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  • Writer's pictureFeathers the Wonder Dog

I’m blaming Chairman Dan – and sending him the bill!

Dear Friends – believe it or not but I’m a hero! Yes. And my reward was a dinner of chicken breast and rice along with numerous cuddles. So what has this to do with Dan Andrews (the incompetent Premier of the State of Victoria) and his appalling handling of the Covid19 crisis with the continued closing of borders? It meant that this week I had to use all my wits and talents to protect Klady from the dregs of society.

It all came about because Klady bought a car in Victoria. Many of you may know that Klady has a special thing for Saab cars and unfortunately had to sell her Saab convertible in Sydney because the border closures meant she couldn’t drive it through Victoria and ferry it to Tasmania. So a couple of weeks ago, she found the perfect Saab for sale in Victoria. The dealer’s photos looked great, it was a one owner car and came with a full service history.

Deal done. She bought the car sight unseen because she and SirD couldn’t take a quick trip to check it out and give it a test drive (thanks Chairman Dan). And luckily the very friendly used car dealer had a transport company that could deliver the Saab to Hobart within the week.

The first hint of something strange was when the call came to say that the car was on the wharf in Tasmania and wouldn’t start. The short story is that the friendly car dealer had drained every drop of petrol from the car but once fuelled, it duly arrived in Hobart for pickup.

So Klady, SirD and I drove to the transport company and there it was parked in the sunshine but with no number plates, registration, shipping or ownership documentation. Even the shipper thought this was strange but ah well, let’s drive the 100 kms home and leave it with the local mechanic for the registration check. By this time Klady was somewhat jittery and so persuaded SirD to take the Saab driving honours while she and I followed in the other car.

All was going well and when driving up the final s-bends up the mini-mountain towards Cygnet we saw the Saab drift to a stop on a sharp blind corner with hazard light flashing. Luckily some very kind and super strong men stopped to help and they pushed the Saab uphill to a tiny somewhat safer spot on the roadside and leaning into a ditch.

OK get a tow truck to pick us up and take the car the final 10 kms. Even this proved a temporary challenge because the Saab didn’t have registration plates! So there we sat. SirD in the Saab, Klady and I in a safer area across the road on the edge of a field, next to a rotting pile of roadkill. And it was here that we met every type of local resident of the Huon Valley. Our roadside visitors in the space of 40 minutes were:

Visitor 1: the local road maintenance inspector who stopped when she saw an abandoned, unregistered car in a ditch on the side of the road and quickly reported it to the authorities.

Visitor 2: the local policeman who had received a call about an abandoned, unregistered car in a ditch on the side of the road in a very dangerous area.

Visitor 3: an well intentioned 18-year old P-plater who dangerously stopped in the middle of the road to offer help.

Visitor 4: a local farmer who just shook his head and said; A Saab – why bother?

Visitor 5: a VERY HANDSOME man in a BMW who drove up alongside Klady and asked whether he could help. I saw her blush!!! His advice was to buy a new engine in Victoria and have it shipped to World’s End as he thought Saabs were wonderful, stylish, hipster cars. Now it was my turn to blush!

Visitors 6, 7 & 8: arrived together in two old pickup trucks. One parked alongside the Saab blocking its access, the second pickup parked right next to Klady and me. While SirD was reassuring his visitor, the two men next to us jumped out and thumped on Klady’s window. She, of course, was very polite and chatty, telling them that the tow truck was well on its way. It was then I saw that both straggly, grimy men had crowbars behind their backs. I started barking furiously, showing my teeth, snarling and looking like a vicious guard dog. On seeing this, they jumped back into their car, giving the signal to SidD’s visitor it was time to leave and so they did, leaving rubber on the road as they raced down the mountain.

What was this all about? Klady later explained that these criminals had probably listened to the tow truck radio and discovered there was an abandoned, unregistered car beside the road and had arrived to strip the Saab and then set it on fire before help came. Ahhhh – that also explained the petrol containers on the back of the pickup!

And that’s how I earned my gourmet dining experience.

The outcome for the Saab was not so happy. It was deemed irreparable and the next day Klady sold it to the scrap yard. I made her promise NEVER EVER to buy goods sight unseen on the Internet ever again. Feathers, you’re right I’ve learned my lesson but I do have to make some exceptions, for example, dog food, shoes, books, clothes, music, reading glasses, shoes, travel and holidays, and did I say….. shoes?

And that's how I resolved to send Chairman Dan the bill for this fiasco. It was all his #$%^#!! fault.

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